5 Important Questions to Ask Yourself After Infidelity

Infidelity is more common than you may think. What you likely understand all too well is how devastating it can be. Should I stay? Can trust be rebuilt? Should we just end things now? Questions like this may be racing through your mind after discovering your partner's infidelity. 

Infidelity occurs when a promise is broken with a partner, whether there are marriage vows or an alternate commitment. The details into the definition of infidelity can vary from couple to couple. For example, some would put an emotional affair or viewing pornography into the same category. 

In this article, we'll highlight 5 questions to ask yourself as you ponder what life after infidelity might look like. 

5 Questions to Ask Yourself as You Consider Life After Infidelity.



Dr. John Gottman provides three questions to ask yourself as you consider whether your relationship can heal after infidelity. 

The first question you can ask yourself is, "If I could trust my partner again, would I want to remain committed?" For example, can the two of you still have fun together? 

The next question Dr. Gottman invites you to consider is, "Despite my partner's actions, can I imagine being able to trust again?" Suppose you're able to imagine being happy or wanting to be intimate again after you've healed. If yes, that is a good sign your relationship can heal.

Another question Dr. Gottman asks is possibly one of the most important, "Can I forgive?" He clarifies this does not mean you condone your partner's choices. Instead, forgiveness means the choices your spouse made will not have power over you. Research shows forgiveness is vital to healing after infidelity. In fact, if you don't foresee being able to forgive, at some point, your relationship is not likely to last. (www.gottman.com)

There are a few more questions you can ask yourself. "Am I having trauma symptoms?" It's common for many people to experience betrayal trauma after discovering infidelity. If you're having symptoms, there is treatment available to offer you the support you need so you can heal. 

The final question to consider is, "What does my spouse want?" Suppose only one of you wants to rebuild trust and heal. In that case, that's a good indication of the direction your relationship is headed. Likewise, if you answer no to any of the first three questions, even the best efforts from both of you will likely fall short. 

Ultimately, you are the only one who can answer the question, "Should I stay or should I go?"